Crazy Busy October

Physical and Occupational Therapy

The past couple of weeks have been packed with appointments. This week is another very full week, but I wanted to try to get in at least a blog post. A word of warning, it will be a longer post.

One of those appointments was for Ben with the University of Michigan. They’ve started him on a new medication, which causes drowsiness. Ben’s primary doctor also started him on some new meds. His health has continued to change over the last few months. We’ve gotten a few answers, but those answers have led to more confusion, questions and concerns than anything. At some point he will be going to have a nerve biopsy to hopefully find more answers, but we are not sure when.

In physical therapy, I’ve continued to do the independent sessions. Occupational therapy is really about the day to day things I do, such as laundry, pouring liquids from one dish to another, and gripping things with my hand. I have weights and strengthening equipment at home I use sometimes as well to help strengthen my hands.

With surgery coming up, I’m hoping I won’t lose much strength during the time I can’t do much. I am trying to build as much strength as I can before the operation in November, but my left side is still pretty weak. I have a come a long way since the accident, but I still notice differences in what I can do, especially when it comes to swinging or lifting my left leg or trying to turn my left wrist over. I am able to compensate in many ways, such as using my hands to move my left leg when I need to swing it over a chair, or using my arm to turn my wrist when I need to pour something, or squeeze a sauce out of a bottle such as ketchup or barbecue sauce. It feels strange to turn most of my arm over just to get some ketchup for a meal, or use my hands to move my leg over a chair, but it allows me to be more independent.

With the upcoming surgery, I will be limited on what I can lift for at least 2 to 6 weeks. I am hoping this won’t be a setback for strengthening my left side. As I mentioned before, this surgery is to fix some of the internal damage caused by the accident. I am hoping it will be a fast recovery, but a lot depends on whether they can do robotic surgery or have to do more in-depth surgery.

Recharging

As an introvert, I’ve always needed alone time to recharge. It has been really hard to get that time with so many appointments, and I often find myself feeling exhausted and run down when we have so much back to back. We’ve really tried to make it a point to schedule down time. I know that may not make sense to some people, but for me, scheduling down time allows me much needed time to relax and recharge. Without it, my schedule gets so packed, I barely have a moment to breath.

The past couple of weeks, it has been really hard to get much down time in. Some days, we have had three, four or even five appointments on the same day, all back to back with very little time in between, so it’s been go-go-go. This has meant almost no hiking or walks for me, and only brief stops to parks to try to breath a little and take some time to get photos.

We are hoping this will change soon schedule-wise, but are also working on adding some down-time specifically into the schedule to help provide time to rest and recharge. Ben and I both really time to process everything that has happened this year, and you can’t really do that when it’s constant businesses. Everyone processes trauma differently, and for the two of us, we need time away from the craziness of life to try to deal with everything that this year has brought to us.

A few photos from our yard and brief stops at parks:

Photos from the only couple of hikes I’ve been able to do in the last couple of weeks: Grass River Natural Area, and Hartwick Pines

Books I’m reading or recently read

I’ve always been an avid reader, and sometimes people ask me what’s on my reading list, so I’m going to try adding in this section at least once or twice a month. I tend to read multiple books at once, reading parts of one then going to another before I’ve finished that one, and back to the first until it’s done.

Atomic Habits, by James Clear
Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers
Mistaken Identity, by Don Van Ryn , Susie Van Ryn , Colleen Cerak , Whitney Cerak , Newell Cerak
Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess: 5 Simple, Scientifically Proven Steps to Reduce Anxiety, Stress, and Toxic Thinking, by Dr. Caroline Leaf
Captivating, by Stasi Eldredge

Cooking

I’ve never enjoyed cooking very much. In our family, Ben does the most of the cooking, including making the dogs food. One of our dogs has a lot of allergies, so we started making their food a few months ago. Occupational therapy has encouraged me to do more cooking, in part because when you cook, you use your hands a lot and this will help strengthen and increase the mobility of my hands. I tried cooking the dogs food for the first time over the last couple of weeks, and they enjoyed it so much, one of them came to get me the next time Ben cooked it for them. In the past when I would cook, they would sit by the stove and whine and paw at me because I have a tendency to burn things and mess up recipes, so it made me feel good to know they actually liked what I made this time.

We also do canning every year. We have a few of our own grapes, but thanks to Ben’s mom, we were able to get some more and canned some grape juice. Thanks to my mom, we were also able to get some carrots canned up as well. We also found a reusable microwavable popcorn bag at one of the local Farmer’s Markets. A few pictures from our cooking and canning adventures:

Scripture and Quotes from the last couple of weeks:

Songs on Repeat:

Goodness of God- Bethel Music

My Life Be Like- Grits

Rescue, Lauren Daigle

Closing Thoughts:

The past couple of weeks have been so packed. I hope to get some time to hike in the next week or two, before I go in for surgery. Life has brought us a lot to deal with this year. But our faith has helped us greatly, and been strengthened through this process. We’ve also been on the receiving in of so much love and care from family and friends. I wanted to share a photo of this beautiful quilt a friend made for me. It is pretty amazing!

Life isn’t always easy, but as Romans 8:28 says, God is working all things together for our good, and we trust Him, even in the hard times.

Until next time,

Cindy

Oct 5

Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

Physical and Occupational Therapy:

This week, I was able to get up to 2 miles in about eleven minutes on the indoor bike. To my athlete friends, this may not seem like much, but it was a new record for me since the accident and something to celebrate. I haven’t added more weight since last week (I’m still at 40-75 lbs) but am trying to do more repetitions with each machine I use.

I have been trying to walk at least a mile a day. This week, I made it out to Hartwick Pines after an appointment, as well as a marina in Petoskey and Deadman’s Hill. I’ve really made it a goal to hike somewhere after every appointment I have, and most of the time, I do. This week was packed with appointments, but I managed to squeeze in a few hikes.

Surgery Update:

It looks like I will be having surgery in early November to repair some of the internal damage from the accident. My abdominal wall was nearly destroyed in the accident, and my liver and colon had to be stitched, so there is still some work to do. Hopefully the surgery will go well, and recovery should be about 2 to 3 weeks.

Adventures This Week:

A gallery of some of the photos from this week, taken at Hartwick Pines, Deadman’s Hill, a Marina near Petoskey, and a few other places in North-West Lower Michigan:

Fall is in the air!

When I took photos this past week, we weren’t in full color yet but getting close. I love this time of year! The colors are so bright and cheery! A gallery of color:

Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

I try hard to keep a positive attitude about things, but this doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. This was a week with several days where I was late for appointments because it was just one thing after another. I overslept one day, got stuck behind a construction vehicle another day, and stepped in dog poop a couple of times on my way to places. I always leave extra time, but it just wasn’t enough some days.

I also discovered I can’t use a video-teller or drive-up ATM machine, at least not with my left wrist. It just won’t turn over enough. I have a hard time in drive-throughs too, such as at fast food places. I have moments when I get really frustrated, but I try to allow myself to feel the frustration and work through it. I’m learning to live with a new normal. Hopefully I will get more and more of my left side back , but there are no guarantees, and when you’ve lived certain ways most of your life, it takes time to adjust to something different.

We also spent part of an afternoon in the emergency room again for Ben. He has a toe with what the doctor says is a blood blister. It looks very much like it did the last time it developed an infection, so we are keeping a close eye on it. With Ben’s Peripheral Neuropathy, he checks his feet regularly anyways as he has no feeling in them.

Today (October 10) is also the birthday of my sister-in-law, Morgan who passed away several years ago. I wrote about that loss, as well as several others here:

Time Marches On

Today is both a sad and happy day, bittersweet. Sad that we have had all of this time without her, but happy that she is living her forever in Heaven. Happy Birthday in Heaven Morgan!

If I’ve learned anything in my lifetime so far, it’s this; even in loss and in pain, there is happiness and joy. Even in the darkest of moments, there is light. My faith plays a big roll in getting me through all of the things I’ve been through. It’s knowing that I will see loved ones again, knowing that anything that happens to me here on earth is just a blink of an eye, that helps me get through even the toughest of days. Philippians 4:13 has stood out to me time and time again during this journey, and is something I keep going back to when life gets really tough.

Songs on Repeat:

I’ve always loved music. Throughout the week, I often find myself playing certain songs on repeat. This varies by week, although I have a few that I tend to play often. This week’s songs include:

Goodness of God- Bethel Music

Graves Into Gardens- Brandon Lake/ Elevation Worship

The Stand- Hillsong

Say I Won’t – MercyMe

Life has this way of throwing unexpected curves at us. Sometimes those curves take us to unexpected places. Sometimes we find ourselves in the most amazing moments, and in the next breath, in the most horrific moments. Life may not be all sunshine and rainbows. But it is still good.

Until next time,

Cindy

Mar 4

Collateral Beauty and Finding Joy in Pain

First the updates on physical therapy and occupuational therapy:

Occupational Therapy:

I have continued to make improvements. Sometimes it feels very small, but they add up and my left wrist has come so very far!

February 26th

Today

Physical Therapy:

Today I got the all clear to begin walking with a cane. As I transition from the walker to a cane, I will be going back and forth between the two, depending on my pain and energy level that day. I have made a lot of progress in a short time, but I’m also listening to my body, and some days, I just need to take a break.

Songs:

From my mom….

Others to focus on…

Bible Verses:

From my mom…

Others to focus on…

On Collateral Beauty and Joy

I came across a #speaklife post on TobyMac’s Facebook page today that really stood out to me. You can find it here:

https://www.facebook.com/tobymac/photos/a.241173571178/10157853493436179/

This quote really stood out to me. In December, my life changed forever. Certainly, I never would have thought I’d be facing so many injuries and challenges in the days ahead so quickly. But this is the story I’m in. This is what I’ve living day to day. Yet there is much joy among these challenges, even among the pain.

I’ve been thinking about the movie Collateral Beauty. It came out in 2016, staring Will Smith and Keira Knightley. Ben and I saw it in the theater. One thing that really stood out to me in this movie is the idea that even in great pain, there is beauty. The movie refers to this as “Collateral Beauty.” Collateral has several definitions, but one of them is defined as additional but subordinate; secondary. Secondary beauty. Beauty that wasn’t first choice, or something you even wanted to have happen, but beauty nonetheless.

Near the end of the movie, one of the characters says “Just make sure you notice the Collateral Beauty.” Since watching this movie, I’ve thought about the phrase ‘Collateral Beauty’ often. Collateral beauty involves the little things people do and say in the really tough times, like sending care packages and kind messages. It’s a butterfly flittering across the grass and into the sky the day after a storm has come through, and a neighbor helping someone clean up their yard when a tree falls. Sure, we might prefer that the accident never happen, the storm never come or the tree never fall, but there is so much beauty, so much good that can come of it.

If I had a choice in all of this, I would have chosen to not be in a wreck in the first place. That would have been best case scenario in my mind at least, to be whole and not broken from a wreck. But if this was the case, I wouldn’t have had all the good things in between, the kind words, the care packages, meals, and so many other ways people have helped out. Honestly, there has been more “Collateral Beauty” in all of this, than there ever would have been beauty had I been able to choose not to be in an accident. I think the more difficult the experience, the more beauty can be found. Don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t mean any of this has been easy or that I don’t have days that are rough. But even in that, there is beauty.

With finding that beauty, comes joy. Joy isn’t just about being happy. It is both a verb and a noun, so while it means ‘a feeling of great pleasure and happiness,’ it is also a verb meaning ‘rejoice.’ Looking for collateral beauty in our darkest moments can help us to find joy. We can rejoice, or show great delight even in tough situations because we see the beauty that is there too.

My faith helps me a lot in this. As a Christian, I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God can and will work all things together for our good, even the bad things. The good isn’t always easy to see though. In dark moments, when the world seems so unfair and so very tough, it’s hard to look for the good. It’s hard to find joy in the Collateral Beauty around us. Our world wasn’t meant to be this way. It isn’t how it was created to be, isn’t how things were supposed to be and we know it. Collateral Beauty is second beauty precisely because it isn’t how the world was created to be. It’s beauty despite what has gone wrong, joy even in the darkest of moments.

When God works things together for our good, sometimes we don’t see right away. Sometimes it’s years down the road that we realize how He took a situation and turned it for our good. Other times, we can see right away, but I think more often than not, especially in very difficult situations, it’s not until years down the line, or perhaps not even this side of Heaven that we understand how God worked things together for our good. But we don’t always need to understand something to see the beauty in it. Joy is all around us, even in the toughest of times. It’s a gift, this collateral beauty that surrounds even the darkest of times. Sometimes we just have to look for it, but the light that comes from joy and collateral beauty will always outshine the darkness.

Feb 24

Journey to a New normal

My first day of home occupational therapy was yesterday, and first day of home physical therapy was today. My left side is so weak, and we have a lot of work to do. I have moments when I feel a little overwhelmed, and wonder if life will ever be the same again. I know it won’t be. It can’t be, with so much that has happened.

At the same time, I also know this doesn’t mean I’ll never walk right again, or that I’ll never use my left wrist. It just means I have to learn to do it again, and maybe differently. It’s a new normal, like so many other things in life have been.

Looking through my timeline and old photos, I see photos I’ve taken from journeys I’ve taken before, and it leaves me with a longing for more adventures. Adventures that right now, I’m not able to take yet, but in so many ways, my journey is an adventure all its own.

I look forward to the day when I can go out for a hike in the woods again, snowshoe, take photos of nature around me. I desperately wanted to write again, without using voice to text, and stand on the shores of Lake Michigan as the waves roll on. I’ll get there. It just takes time.

For now, I’m just trying to enjoy this journey as much as it can be enjoyed, and to photograph the adventures along the way. It’s the little things I want to remember, like Wesley moving his dog bed closer to me just so he can watch me sleep, Chewbacca trying very hard to stay close without hurting me, and my sweet husband taking the time to make sure my legs are propped just right.

This verse stood out to me during my hospital and rehab stay, and became something I quoted to myself during tough times. It was also in a coloring book a family friend gave me, and I realized yesterday that it’s on a plaque in our living room too. It’s the perfect reminder of where my strength comes from. My journey is far from over with, but I’ve come such a long way.

This journey isn’t one I would have chosen, and it’s not an easy one, but one day, maybe not too far off, I’ll stand of the shores of Lake Michigan again, and watch the waves roll in. I’ll hike through a forest and listen to the sound of birds in the trees, and I’ll finish the books I’ve been writing. And when I do, it will mean all that much more because I’ll know just how far I had to go to get there.

Feb 10

Rehab Round 2, Day 7; No Going Back

Occupational Therapy:

In Occupational Therapy, we worked on getting dressed with the reacher and sock assistant. I was able to get a shower in, and we practiced sliding on the shower bench to get in, leaning back far enough to not break my restrictions. I will most likely be using a shower bench when I get home.

Physical Therapy:

In Physical Therapy, we practiced walking with the regular walker again. I walked 100 feet the first time, and 75 feet the second time. We practiced getting in and out of bed, including a higher bed, and practiced getting in and out of a car. We also practiced walking with the walker on a mat for a different type of surface and practiced going up on a board to simulate crossing over a threshold.

Other:

Today I enjoyed coloring in a coloring book, and continued to work with family on the plans for me to come home. This week is flying by, and there are still a few things to do before I hopefully get to head home!

I’ve discovered I actually like Sour Patch kids. My taste buds have changed over the last couple of months, to an extent.

Songs to Focus on:

From my mom….

Other songs to focus on…

Scripture to Focus on:

From my mom….

Other Scripture to focus on…

Movie Lines….

These movie lines have been standing out to me. After something like this, a person is never the same. And why should we be? Trauma changes you but it can make you stronger.

There is no going back. There is no returning to normal, only moving forward and finding a new normal. For events such as the accident I was in are not meant to send us back to who we were before. They are meant to change us, to help us grow and become stronger. It’s up to us to decide whether we will allow the trauma to change us for the better or worse.

You can’t be the same after something like this. Sure, you can return to a sense of normalcy, but it will never be the same. And it shouldn’t be.

Feb 9

Rehab Round 2, Day 6; 90′ repeat

Occupational Therapy:

Today in Occupational Therapy, we worked on putting socks on with a sock helper. It’s a special device that assists with putting on socks when you can’t bend down.

We also play Solitaire, with me standing for part of the time. My legs were pretty stiff with it being first thing in the morning, so I wasn’t able to stand long. In the afternoon, we played a game of Suduko, with the game propped up and weights on my wrist so I had to practice reaching while building my muscles.

Physical Therapy:

Today in Physical Therapy, we practiced walking with a non- platform Walker. I was able to walk 86 feet the first trip, then 90. We also practiced navigating the wheelchair through an obstacle course.

In the afternoon, I walked 90 feet, then we played a balancing game in which I stood with my feet apart and bounced a beach ball back to someone. My walker stayed in front of me and the wheelchair behind me on case i lost my balance, and the PT person stayed by my side. After a round of that, I put my feet together, and then for the 3rd round, we placed a foam board under my feet. This made it harder to balance and I had to grab the walker a few times to keep from falling. We finished the session with another 90 foot walk in which I tried to pick up the pace to see if I could go faster.

Other:

This morning, I was able to use the reacher to dress myself, all except socks and shoes. In between therapy sessions, I was able to work on this blog, practice wheeling myself around the room, and chat with Ben on what is needed for my return home.

Today i also enjoyed a visit from one of the harp players. The music they play is always so calm and peaceful, and I enjoy it a lot when they can come.

The reacher… a great tool for when you can’t bend down.

Songs to Focus on:

From my mom…

Other songs to focus on…

Bible Verses To Focus On

From my mom…

Other Scripture to focus on…

Feb 8

Rehab Round 2, Day 5… 47′, 42′, 75′

Occupational Therapy:

Today in occupational therapy worked on me getting dressed with the reacher. If you are not familiar with a reacher, it’s a special tool that allows people to do things for themselves when they otherwise couldn’t. I have a lot of restrictions with my total hip replacement, among them not being able to bend down for anything, so the reacher comes in really handy with picking things up and helping me to get dressed.

We played a card game with me standing up to practice my balance and strengthen my fingers. We also played a game in which I handed a bean bag from one hand to another through a loop, and then tossed it into a crate. We played a board game with dice, where you put numbers down based on the dice rolled, and we played Jenna.

Physical Therapy

Today in Physical Therapy, we practiced walking with the walker. I was able to walk 47 feet, and then 42 feet before needing to take a break. We then tried a walker without a platform. I was able to walk 75 feet all together, with several breaks.

We also practiced rolling out of bed with the log roll, and wheelchair mobility. I am able to operate the wheelchair fairly well with my arms.

Other:

If all goes well, I may be going home soon! It’s been a long road with a long road to go, but it would be nice to get back home.

Our pets will be very glad when I’m home. Chewbaca is really having a hard time without me there. Ben sent me a picture of him being all sad and clingy.

Songs to Focus On:

From my mom…

One of the churches we used to go did a skit with this song years ago…

We also did another skit…

Bible Verses To Focus On:

From my mom….

Other Scripture to focus on…

Feb 7

Rehab Round 2, Day 4… a Day of Rest

A Day of Rest

Today was a day off from physical and occupational therapy. Other than practicing what I’ve been learning, it was a day to rest and relax. I was able to get some reading in, and relax for most of the day. I also got some much needed extra sleep in too.

Songs to Focus on…

From my mom …

Other songs…

Bible Verses To Focus On…

From my mom…

Other verses to focus on…

Feb 6

Rehab Round 2, Day 3…110′

Occupational Therapy

Today in Occupational Therapy, we completed several different activities to help build my fine motor skills. We played a form of Chinese Checkers with blocks, completed an activity where you had to match pegs on a pegboard to pegs in a picture, and folded laundry. We also did the shower ring activity, where I move rings from one side of a looped pole to another, and practiced using the reacher to move beanbags and then pull up a pair of scrubs. We did everything without my braces on today.

The reacher looks like this…

Physical Therapy

Today in physical therapy, we practiced walking with the walker. We walked 25 feet the first time and 30 feet the second time, for 55 feet total.

We also practiced doing the log roll from the mat. During the second round of PT, I walked 30 feet and then 25 feet for another 55 feet. In all, I walked a total of 110 feet today.

Other:

Growing up, my parents always taught us “I can’t” is not part of our vocabulary. We could say something was hard, challenging, frustrating, difficult, etc. , but we were never allowed to say ” I can’t. “

I come from a family where my sister has a learning “disability,” I was born with a dislocated left hip, and some of our cousins have “disabilities” as well. We never really called them “disabilities”, they are different abilities. We are not disabled, we are able to do things differently than a “normal” person.

This attitude has really helped me a lot during this time. It’s weird being in a wheelchair, and I am still not able to move my quad muscle very well. Earlier, I set my left leg of the wheelchair leg rest to change positions. At first, I couldn’t lift it high enough to get it back on the leg rest without asking for help. I kept trying and eventually got it! It isn’t easy, it hurts, and it’s frustrating, but it felt so good once I had my leg back on the leg rest!

(Ignore the white flakes. This is what happens when every limb has a cast or brace for nearly two months…. my skin is just peeling off everywhere. I’m thankful for lotions from Bath Boutique Treats to help heal my skin! )
https://m.facebook.com/BathBoutiqueTreats

I’ve also been exhausted today, and slept every chance I got. It’s a lot of work for my body to do what it is doing right now!

I also got to order food from a supplemental menu. I still wasn’t able to eat much but it was nice to have something different.

Bible Verses To Focus On

From my mom…..

Genesis 1:1

Other verses I’m focusing on:

Songs to Focus On:

Feb 5

Rehab Round 2, Day 2…. 45′

Occupational Therapy:

Today in occupational therapy we practiced getting dressed. It is so nice to actually be able to stand up and put pants on. We did several assessments to look at my hand strength and assess my fine motor skills. We did a cognitive assessment and also worked on moving ball’s from one peg to another. The balls are hung on the pegs by rings, The goal is to slide them off one peg and up onto another one. We did this without my braces on to see how it would go. We also did a clothes pin activity, in which I moved clothes pins from one bar and put them on another. This was again done without braces. Overall I did pretty well but my left hand is definitely weaker than the right.

Physical Therapy

Today in physical therapy, we practiced walking more with the Walker. I was able to walk 20′ ,took a break, and then walked 25′! We also practiced wheelchair mobility and practiced using a log roll to get out of bed. I did well with all of it today.

Other:

All of the hard work I’m doing definitely makes me tired. I slept a little bit this afternoon and evening and will hopefully have another good night sleep tonight. It’s amazing how much work it is when your body hasn’t been able to walk in a while.

We also got a major snowstorm today. It was peaceful at times watching the snow fall, but also reminded me of the accident. I hope one day I can watch the snow fall again without being reminded of that day.